Today's post is pretty deep...
But I feel I need to talk to someone, I'll start by saying my story...
At age 6, my dads oldest brother would pick my dad up for work at home. He would do this every morning....
One day, my uncle decided to come in my and my sister's room and lay beside me, on my bed...
This went on for a while.. I didn't think much of it, after all he was my uncle and our family was VERY tight-knit. After a few days maybe over a week, he started caressing me. just touching my hair and my arms... time went by and he kept going lower and underneath my pjs. All he would do is caress endlessly.. touch my privates.... It bothered me but what could I do? He wouldn't stop... When it started to get lower and under my pjs is when I panicked, was scared that he would try and do something more uncomfortable but if I left would he go to my sisters bed? So one day I decided I would wake my little sister up and take her to the bathroom with me until both he and dad left for the day.
How could I speak? what would I say? would they believe me? My little sister wondered what was going on but she was so little and just did what I asked her too.. she laid her little self on the bathroom mat with her head on my lap and slept... I remember looking at her and asking her to lay down and please not make a sound.... all she said was I sleep here?
I never spoke... not one word, eventually we moved away from that house and my dad and uncle no longer rode together to work... I never wanted to spend the night at my cousins anymore... Nor did I want to visit them.
I let it go.. till this day never thought of it, never spoke of it. Like I put those horrifying thoughts behind me. Those memories never seemed to phase me. But then I came to the age where I wanted relationships... but I was always too self conscious, i was always too scared that I wasn't good enough. I fell in love at 17 and all I wanted was to run away from home.. far far far away with the man that I fell in love with.
I did and I feel saved, I feel that my uncles presence had been vanished.. since I had to put up with seeing him way too often at church at family gatherings.. and everywhere. He was after all family. I hated him for what he did and for acting like he never did anything.... yet to this day I feel like my life has been affected greatly along with my parenting skills.. I have 3 beautiful kids but i feel i need to protect them from people like my uncle? :( who will listen? who can i tell?
Thats not all.... there is more to the story and my guilt, but I will speak of that soon after.. right this minute I feel my head will explode with these nasty memories....
